Answer #148 - Your dark secrets are in your sock drawer

Notes from the Road to Kerrville:

No sleep Thursday night.  6:00am flight to Texas.  It happens. Life, that is. 4 hours shut-eye in total, but intermittent waking. This meant that the show would be especially colorful, and potentially hallucinatory. Sadly, alcohol does not help, but rather, may make the audience undulate, and generally, I’m not the undulation-inducing type.

It took merely two planes and a Wendy’s ‘Classic Breakfast Sandwich.’ This thing was spectacular – tailored to Homer Simpson’s culinary specifications – White floury soft and squishy Bun, Sausage, Bacon, Egg, CheeseFood product, Mayo. If I’d chased it with a fistful of cigarettes and a doughnut or two and I could have stopped by the E.R. for a little CLEAR and JOLT when I landed in the Lonestar State.

I stepped off the plane and my hair immediately tripled in volume. The ‘moisture guard’ styling cream that guaranteed that this would NOT happen was a lie. A big fat lie, and today, as I approach the Indianapolis airport, I have big, fat hair. It’s huge and is more than likely being mistaken by the other passengers as a Pomeranian attacking my head.

Despite what must have been an unsettling apparition, the Kerrville driver let me get in the van and drove us to Starbucks. And yes, I hate all that Starbucks stands for. Well, not all of it, but definitely most of it. And yet, no one can touch their Soy Latte, and that is my own shame. The sacrifice of my own integrity for the satisfaction of my base desires.


But Who Among Us Keeps No Dark Secret, Lives No Ethical Contradiction?

No one I know immediately comes to mind, though who am I to speculate...

Regardless, with the security of the latte in hand, I was ready for the show.

Tomorrow: KerrVirgins and KerrVerts.  Stay tuned.