Saturday, January 30, 2010

Answer #25 - Alcohol & Putt-Putt Golf Don't Mix

I meant to study up on Happy Hour the world over - give some real, meaningful information - you know, in response to the alcoholic statement: 'It's Happy Hour somewhere!  Bottoms Up!'

I didn't get around to it.

I know it's Happy Hour at 6:00p in Scotland.  Of course, Happy Hour is 5:00p here in the U.S.  In New Orleans and the entire state of Florida, Happy Hour is whatever hour it happens to be. 

I lived in both Louisiana and Florida, so I know whereof I speak.  There's a tacit agreement in the State of Florida that says: We're On Vacation.  Perpetually.  Doesn't make for graceful aging necessarily.  But when you're carpe-ing the diem, what the hell is the future? And besides, there's botox, microdermasomething and they can inject fat cells from your ass directly into the lips that the blistering sun shrivels.  How cool is that? 

Anyway, I owned a restaurant in Marathon ('A Drinking Town with a Fishing Problem'), Florida Keys.  This was after I lived in Southeast Asia & Louisiana, and prior to my move to Indiana.  It was called Deadhead George's Mexicali Grill.  I don't mean to rip off Dave Barry but, well,  I'm not making this up.  I still have the t-shirts and some of the Deadhead memorabilia.  I'm not a Deadhead, but I was previously married to a Deadhead, and, well, it just seemed to make sense at the time.

The t-shirts had a couple of phrases on them: "It's like a piece of heaven, if heaven tastes like that"  (a derivative kind of line based on the Talking Heads song 'Heaven') - and, my personal favorite: "Deadhead George's - Where the staff is as drunk as you are".

Again, not making it up.

My Landlord greeted me with a raised Bud Light every morning at about 7:00am from his boat - heading out to catch fish he didn't like to eat.  Interesting guy who'd made a fortune building a putt-putt golf course somewhere in Pennsylvania, where no one said it could be done!  Imagine!  Putting a putt-putt there!?  Whoa, Roger! It can't be done! 

Actually, I've tried to imagine a couple of times, but to no end.  Here in Bloomington, the woman who owned the big Putt Putt golf course shot and killed the man who owned it with her.  Er, her husband.  It's next door to the Jiffy Treet.  Big scandal.  Probably some tryst betwixt soft-serve maven & putt putt land baron - leading to late night, liquor-soaked confrontation.  But that's just idle speculation.

What the hell is your point?

Well, that's obvious.  Mixing Alcohol and Putt-Putt golf can only lead to no good.  Don't do it.  It's impossible to avoid the combination of the Grateful Dead and Mexicali-type food, but, well, do it in moderation.  But, whatever happens, if you're considering picking up that lime green golf ball, put down the Bud Light.  Before it's too late.


  1. When we were in Edinburgh, Happy Hour, started at lunch. Or, at least, preparation for Happy Hour. We would go in to eat an early dinner (six or seven) and find people who had gone out to lunch in a large group and never returned to work. Not once, but always. So, in Scotland, I think Happy Hour is perpetual, though perhaps that is because, as a nation, the Scots never seem to achieve happiness. They need the extra 23 hours to work on it.

  2. Speaking of Edinburgh brought up a memory of a visit I made there 5 years ago or so. I was staying at a B&B with several choices for the second B each morning. One morning I asked for the oatmeal. What came out was a surprise: the standard bowl of oatmeal (well, actually not standard but, rather, very good oatmeal), a small bowl containing very dark brown sugar and a small pitcher containing a curious brown liquid. I thought it might be maple syrup but I asked anyway. It was single malt scotch! What a way to start the day -- with a little buz! The lady of the house said that a lot of people like this with their oatmeal in Scotland. Here's to the Scots!

  3. But alcohol and frisbee golf are a match made in heaven.

  4. Just got back from the Keys and I was sad to see the Mexicali Grill is no more. My family had a magic lunch there about 10 years ago.

    It was fun while it lasted.


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